Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Make Me Stop!

She said she wanted a mink, so I bought her a mink. She said she wanted a silver fox, so I bought her a silver fox. She said she wanted a beaver, so I bought her a beaver. It was ridiculous: the house was full of animals.

She wanted a silver fox, I wanted a new car. We compromised. We bought the fur, but we keep it in the garage.

Red and I are going to have a great marriage. We laid some ground rules, and we’re sticking to them. For example: “Three nights out with the boys every week.” She wants to go out with the boys more, but I won’t let her.

A friend of mine asked, “KOTWF, should I talk to my wife during sex?” I said, “If there’s a phone handy.”

She didn’t like doing the dishes, so I bought her an electric dishwasher. She didn’t like doing laundry, so I bought her an electric washing machine. She complained that now the house is so full of gadgets there’s no place to sit...so I bought her an electric chair.

She has the most beautiful red hair growing halfway down her back. I just wish there were some on her head.

“KOTWF,” she asked, “were there many women before me?” After a pause she said, “Well! I’m still waiting!” I replied, “And I’m still counting.”

As a traveling salesman, I find myself in a lot of strange situations. Once, I broke down on a back country road, and I went to the closest farmhouse to seek accommodations. “Well,” said the farmer, “you’ll have to share a bed with my son.” “Shit,” I replied, “I’m in the wrong joke.”

Take my wife, please!

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