The Things I Do For You

I know I haven't been around much. This whole fatherhood thing is kicking my ass. And I'm not even there yet.

Red and I got to spend the night in the hospital last night, getting her blood pressure, temperature, and reflexes checked every half-hour. On the plus side, they gave her a sedative, so she slept almost through the night, which means I slept almost through the night.

This morning, I kissed her goodbye, promised to come back to visit later today, and ran out the door in order to be late for work.

While I'm dealing with this stuff, and probably having a baby some time in the next week, I'll give you some new toys to play with:

Condomania
The only place I know of that sells custom fitted condoms. Just print out the measuring tool, measure to see (in medical terms here) just how dinky is your wang, then order your exact size. Personally, I still haven't placed my order because I'm right in between two sizes: Harvey Villachez and Kenny Baker.

Pandora
This little bit of fun is from the same people who do the Music Genome Project. It is a streaming radio station that is custom tailored to your tastes. Punch in a song title or artist you like, and they'll give you music that has similar traits. After a few "thumbs up" or "thumbs down" you should have your station dialed in and experience some cool new music.

Enjoy yourselves while I'm out populating the world.

Home Entertainment!

There are a lot of changes going on among the females in the house. Red is getting pregnanter and pregnanter ( is that possible or a word?) and, in the meantime, our dog Layla has gone through the change of life prematurely.

For a cool Franklin, our veterinarian was happy to put her on one of those instantaneous weight loss programs. You know the ones. She went in weighing 23 pounds, and woke up two hours later weighing 22.5, minus one uterus.

None of this is funny.

The home entertainment comes in once you add the acoutrements that the vet gave us to keep Layla from licking and chewing on her hysterectomy incision. She keeps walking her new collar into walls and not being able to go forward. I've had to physically pull the dog off of corners of the counter four times in the last two days. This is entertainment at its best. A stupid dog wearing oversized headgear.

See for yourself.
































C'mon! Admit it! That's funny shit.

Change is in the wind

Thanks for reading! (cue crickets) I know it's been a while since I've posted, but I've been busy.

What!?! You ask. How could anything take me away from this blog, which I snatched from the jaws of death and raised from a cub as if it was my own? What in the world, besides the last fitful slumber of my mortal coil, could prevent me posting the details of who said what at the mall last night, and how much Stacy likes Johnny but Johnny likes Steve? Why would I allow anything to come between me and my beloved, adoring fan(s)?

Because any day now, the greatest masterpiece of my life will arrive:



I'm going to start blogging again on a regular basis, because I don't want to forget a single detail of how I act, how I feel, what I think, and just how much scotch I can consume between midnight feedings. I may start blogging a bit more about my family, and my daughter, but rest assured, it will still be fucked up and funny. I'm still the same KOTWF.

I'm here for you, baby.