Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Public Service

As you may or may not know, the KOTWF is taken. But have no fear, I haven't let my mad skills with the ladies fall into disrepair. Quite the opposite, in fact. I follow a strict daily regiment of exercising my flirtation and romance muscles. And, out of pure charity and goodwill, and court ordered community service, I have decided to offer my help to the less fortunate out there in internet-land. The following text is the tried and true "KOTWF Seduction Letter Template." Simply insert the necessary information where indicated and remember to use protection.


I've thought you were beautiful from the moment I met you. I know that that is not what you expected to hear. No love at first sight or instant attraction. No ridiculous romantic garbage of any sort. I just thought you were beautiful.

But then we (SOMETHING YOU DID TOGETHER) together. And I got to know you a little bit better. And realized I was attracted to you. And, yes, I wanted you.

The night after (SOMETHING YOU DID TOGETHER), when you said (ANY BULLSHIT SHE SAID THAT YOU REMEMBER), I wanted more than anything to (ANYTHING INVOLVING THE TWO OF YOU EXCEPT THE PHRASE "THROW MY P IN YOUR BUTT"). I wanted to, but I was afraid of being hurt. Little did I know how much it would hurt not to.

Then (SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED THAT MADE YOU NOT SEE EACH OTHER, EVEN FOR A FEW MINUTES), and I missed you terribly. We had known each other for (AMOUNT OF TIME YOU'VE KNOWN HER, DELETE THIS LINE IF IT IS IN MINUTES), but it was only then that I was learning who you really were, and I was realizing just how much I liked everything I learned. And since then, I have thought about you often, I have dreamed about you steadily, and, I admit it, I have fantasized about you from time to time.

I don't know that it would work out between us, (PLEASE TELL ME YOU CAN REMEMBER HE NAME LONG ENOUGH TO STICK IT HERE), but I can't see any reason good enough to keep us from finding out.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I think that you and I could (WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO WITH HER. THE PHRASE "BUMP UGLIES" MIGHT NOT WIN BROWNIE POINTS) together. And if God (REPLACE GOD WITH SATAN, OR ODIN, OR JIMMY CARTER AS RELIGIOUS BELIEFS REQUIRE) made anything better than that, he kept it for himself.

With Hope and Understanding,

Use this gift wisely, my children. Go forth and multiply.

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