A Sordid Affair

Last Thursday night, I came home to a stranger. Sitting at the kitchen table, drinking my gin, was the most beautiful redhead I've ever seen. She was about 5'5", with curves in places where most girls don't even have places. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't really get past the lowcut dress and my good luck. "Hello," I said.

"Hello," she responded, then stood up and melted into me. We stumbled to the bedroom and experienced the most impassioned 2 1/2 minutes of our lives. Afterwards, I thanked her and then said "You'd best leave. The Blondage will be home any minute, and I don't know what she'd do if she found you here."

She sat bolt upright in the bed and said, "What?"

"My girlfriend will be home any minute, and she is not very understanding of this sort of thing. She can kill a man at 10 paces with one lash of her tongue! She makes toast by breathing fire on it! Last time I fooled around on her, the other woman accidentally tragically cut off her own head while brushing her hair! You do not want to be here when she gets home."

"Who the fuck do you think I am?" she said. And that's when I realized why she looked so familiar.

"The Blondage" is now "Red," and I'm in trouble for cheating with my own girlfriend. Life is not fair.