Monday, June 23, 2003

Revenge is Theirs!

After their Second Failed attempt at world domination, the Germans were an embittered and hopeless people. For several years, the majority of the population didn't even have it in them to wear extremely tight leather pants and sit around belching. Instead, they squated in their little hovels, wallowing in their own waste and trying to scramble out the stone-age that they had been blasted to by the allied forces.*

Their patience paid off and an opportunity for revenge presented itself with the coming of the computer. One day, a young German whose name was something like "Von Shizenkopfer" realized that the computer was the perfect opportunity to exact punishment on the rest of the world. With the help of his friends, "Frau LongenSchlongen" and "Doug," Von Shizenkopfer set about creating the most vile, user un-friendly, complex, and irritating software system known to man. He followed this up with a flawless marketing scheme, utilizing such techniques as "all the cool kids are doing it" advertisements, mass hypnosis, and the popular slogan "use this product or you will be sent to the showers." Needless to say, their system became widely adopted, and is now used by nearly every company that I come into contact with. The only problem with this is that it is a rat-ass-sucking piece-of-shit system that is complicated for the sake of being complicated. Fucking SAP.

Goose stepping and singing the German National Anthem should not be required to log on.

* This May Not Be Historically Accurate. In Fact, This Entire Post is Fictitious. I Love All Germans. I Love Germans Almost as Much as They Love David Hasslehoff.

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