I keep getting emails from someonelikesyou.com. Apparently, about a year ago someone admitted to this website that they have a crush on me, and I'm a bad guesser (okay, I haven't even tried to guess, but that's the same thing). Well, anyway, someonelikesyou.com got tired of my extreme lack of interest, and promised to tell me who liked me if I signed up for a bunch of clubs and gave them my credit card number.
I almost fell for it, then I said "Wait, what if I go through all this rigamarole to find out who likes me, and it's not Daryl Hannah. Won't I be disappointed?" So I decided that I would rather go on living the dream that Daryl needs me more than air, but doesn't know how to express her feelings, so she revealed them through a web-site for socially inept dorks.
I think that's much better than going through with it and finding out that my secret admirer is really the 65 year old fat man in the next cubicle.
Whoa is me.
Besides, I already gave my credit card to that blind organ grinder with the baby monkey.