Monday Blues

My "Monday Morning Routine(tm)" has been totally shattered. The Blondage and I started a new diet this morning, so when I rolled out of bed, I didn't smell sizzling bacon and frying eggs, and I didn't hear the musical "Pop" of a champagne cork. Nope. Just an energy bar and a cold shower.

Then I got to work. Wouldn't you know it, we're out of Baileys. Completely. And don't even bother asking if there was Drambuie or Amaretto. So then my sexetary informs me that she's pregnant and has the clap, so that's out, too. Now it's gonna be all "Penacillon and Paternity Testing" just like last month. Disheartened, I step into my office and close the door, then realize that someone has replaced my recliner with an ACTUAL OFFICE CHAIR. I mean, COME ON! I don't want to sound like a whiny bitch or anything, but without my recliner, how am I supposed to put up my feet and relax. There's all this paper-stuff on my desk, so that's out.

This diet thing ruined my whole day. I guess that's why diets usually start "tomorrow." I'm not too concerned, though. I've got an idea that will make lunch a snap:

Slim-Fast is good with a vodka floater.